Hugs
“Hugs can have many benefits, including reducing stress and pain, boosting the immune system, and improving cardiovascular health. Hugs can also help you feel more connected to others,” says Dr. Google.
Since Margo died, my life has been mostly hug-free. And I miss that part. A few women friends have hugged me in sympathy, which is very kind. But the constant availability of hugs—short, medium, long, overnight, exciting, calming, loving, and all the variations in between—is gone. It wasn’t just me initiating them, either. Margo would often surprise me with a spontaneous hug, sometimes sneaking up from behind.
Now, all of that is lost, and I find myself going through what can only be described as hug withdrawal. I wonder if that part of my life is forever gone.
The other day, I hugged a friend—twice in one visit—and suddenly realized just how deprived I’ve become. I worry that if I’m not careful, instead of just hugging my friend, I might get carried away and embrace a complete stranger… and promptly get arrested.
Being a writer, I often process my emotions through stories or even poetry. So, in the spirit of self-awareness (and as a warning to my women friends), I wrote this:
There was an old man from Cushing,
For hugs, he was always pushing.
But folks had enough,
And called his bluff,
Now he gets his hugs by ambushing.
I’m not sure this poem is touching, though it may suggest that the author is touched.
Another thing I miss: holding Margo’s hand. That simple warmth and connection started when we were dating and lasted through her life. At first, it was exciting. Later, it was comforting—especially in her last weeks, when we lay in bed, and I held her hand to ease her pain. In her final hours, as she sat up, Scott and I held her hands until her last quiet breath. And before she was taken away, I gave her one last kiss and held her hand again—now cold, no longer Margo, but still her hand.
This Saturday, Scott and I are driving to West Bend for the funeral of Judy Wilkens, Margo’s brother’s wife. There, we’ll both give and receive hugs—offering comfort in our shared loss. And now, more than ever, I understand just how much a simple hug can mean.
